Shifting from messy to unmessy: the power of believing in someone
To this day, Marcie can’t pinpoint the reason she started using substances, only that she was still very much a child, 12-years old and in grade eight.
“I don’t know if it was to fill something or replace something,” says the 40-year old of her much younger self. “I have no real clue.”
What she is certain of, is that the regular use of alcohol and drugs became her life.
Growing up in Smiths Falls, Marcie had no pack of friends to hang out with, she never let others get too close. In high school, she went from loner to bully when someone tried to befriend her.
“I was definitely not happy. And I wanted people to know I was not happy.”
At 16 she was sent to live in a group home, where she continued her substance use. By 17 she was admitted to a treatment centre. It was the first, of what would be 11 in her lifetime.
For the next decade and a half Marcie sold drugs to make ends meet, wound up in abusive relationships, lived on the street, was in and out of treatment centres and bounced between Ottawa, Calgary and eventually Hamilton.
And though it seemed a pattern had been established in her life, there were a few people she crossed paths with who saw her differently and treated her differently. Among them, were the counsellors at St. Joseph’s Womankind Addiction Service.
“They believed in me when I didn’t want them to.”
Marcie says they also downplayed the lectures and the directives of what she had to do to be successful. Instead, her recovery played out in a way that worked best for her as a person. It wasn’t quick. She challenged those who were responsible for her care. But instead of giving up, they provided support.
“At Womankind, being allowed to stay there allowed me to find me.”
The person she has become is very different to the girl who started down this road. Sober and substance free since January 2015, Marcie now works with the Hamilton Social Medicine Response Team as a programming and outreach coordinator. She facilitates a creative writing group at Womankind and is furthering her education at Mohawk College. She is married and has hopes to adopt a child. And she’s working to repair the relationship with her family.
“It’s been a journey. It’s been messy to get unmessy.”