Embracing mental illness
By: Samantha Mercanti, Mental Health Advocate & former St. Joe’s patient
Samantha Mercanti has been sharing her experience living with and embracing her mental illness. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia in her early twenties, and also lives with anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and disordered eating. A former patient at St. Joe’s Cleghorn Program, she put pen to paper, writing her book, Embracing Schizophrenia.
Through her story Samantha aims to bring hope to those in the midst of mental illness that recovery is possible. Samantha now advocates for others experiencing mental illness, with the goal of ensuring that no one with a mental illness is ever forgotten. She hopes to educate and to eliminate the shadows that still hide mental illness – and let all those in the grips of such an illness know they, too, can recover.
I remember when I first entered St. Joe’s Cleghorn program, I was so quiet because I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. My psychiatrists and nurse tried to encourage me to speak at my weekly appointments. At one point, my mom began taking me to swim aerobics so I could begin exercising. When my care team told me I could go back to school, I was so happy. My parents never had the opportunity to attend postsecondary. I knew how lucky I was. I went on to complete a Bachelor of Science in chemistry, an honours Bachelor of Science in applied mathematics, and am now an MBA candidate at McMaster.
The space in which St. Joe’s provides care for people matters. We need to give those in our community who are struggling with mental illness a respectful and safe place to receive care.
I’ve said this before and I will always say this, every single person with a mental illness deserves the same opportunities as everyone else. The opportunity to seek help. And to receive it. Without judgement. In a safe space.
And it makes me so hopeful to see this slowly happening in our community. This year, for the first time in my 20 years of having a mental illness, I feel like we are more open to strengthening those with mental illness, to conversations around mental illness and to improving the services offered, and the spaces within which those services are provided.
I am so grateful to everyone who every day tries to improve our community. The work you do is noticed. And appreciated. And if you wake up every day with that intention in your heart, I think that is what matters.
Writing a book
When we went into our very first COVID-19 lockdown, I rewrote my book, Embracing Schizophrenia, from ten years ago. I found rewriting very challenging, as I was remembering many experiences that I had forgotten. Reliving my past was traumatic. However, the process was somewhat therapeutic for me in the end. I healed during the pandemic.
I asked family and friends to contribute to the book because I wanted to share their authentic perspectives and I wanted them to be heard. They were just as much a part of my story as I was. Reading their contributions helped me heal as well.
The hardest thing to read was when my care team told my mom and dad to mourn me. I didn’t know this until I read my mom’s contribution. I cried. Because I was such a beautiful person before my illness. I experienced trauma as a child and was assaulted as a teenager; however, I had such a kind and good heart and I loved that. I realize now though, I am that person, just a lot tougher and stronger and maybe with an edge. And I set boundaries now, and know how to protect myself.
On lessons learned
Enjoy life now. My past experience has taught me that life can change in an instant. Cherish everything in this exact moment, tell people you love them, tell people they matter, tell people how absolutely amazing and beautiful they are. I am doing so much right now in my life, but I don’t care if some days I am tired, I am enjoying every single minute of my life and the people in it.
Take risks. Watch a sunrise. Run a race. Be present. Life is uncertain. It always will be. And sometimes we need to be reminded of that.
Also, don’t ever let anyone, including yourself, tell you that you cannot do something. It might be difficult. But it might be worth it.
Are you having a mental health crisis?
If you or a loved one are experiencing a mental health crisis please call the COAST 24/7 helpline at 905.972.8338 or dial 911. For more mental health crisis support visit, stjoes.ca/MentalHealthCrisis